Relationships are fun; learning about each other, exploring each other and everyone’s current day favorite- the official Facebook declaration that you’re now together and in love forever and ever. Awwwwwwwwz. If you’re lucky this will last a few weeks, occasionally more before this relationship is over and you’re on to your next victim. First the rest of us are subjected to multiple couples selfies a day, the “I love you, no I love you more” updates and all the other lame shit that being in love requires in social media-ville. Thanks guys, we all adore how you are sitting leg-to-leg on the couch yet making a special effort to let each other know online that you love his face so fucking much. Really, thanks! Gahhh. No I will not like your status, none of us do.

          I’m not saying not to show your love for one another ever just maybe limit it to once or twice a day. Any more should be done in inbox, or *gasp* face-to-face! Otherwise you’ll be another bitch whose newsfeed I have to hide so I don’t feel the uncontrollable need to vomit or rant. I get it. You love this asshole with all of your heart (and your vagina). Okay. Now shut the fuck up about it. Most of you do this shit once a month or better and we all know it’s not going to last. It’s simply too much too fast. You start dating one day and IMMEDIATELY you love them, are going to get married and have your poor child calling the dude Daddy. Why not see how it’s going to go before involving an innocent bystander such as your kid? I’ve seen kids who have called almost a dozen men “daddy” and it’s infuriating for those of us watching this train wreck. I mean, you can look back on someone’s newsfeed and see a pattern: they are head over heels one day and bitter enemies the next. Before getting involved with someone how about you take the time to do a little research? The best indicator of how someone will behave in the future is how they’ve behaved in the past. Google that bitch, bitch!

          Another “Oh hell no” moment with relationships on Facebook is the relationships that go back and forth, over and over again. When you love them it’s all rainbows and hearts and you want everyone you know to love them too. When it’s over you expect those same people to turn that off and hate them as hard as you do but now I like this asshole more than I like you. You get bitches to bad-mouth this person only to shut them out once you’ve reconciled because now you know how they “really feel” and you ain’t having no one talk shit bout yo man! Bitch what?!?!  Is this real motherfucking life? I’ve learned just to keep my mouth shut and be more observer than participator. Because you bitch……you are fucking crazy. And I never trust crazy.

          My personal favorite is when females change their last names online to that of their current dick-of-the-moment. One day you log on and this bitch is nowhere to be found. Why? Did she delete her account or block you? No? Oh wait, there she is and now she has a new last name. Did this bitch get married overnight? Nope, she just edited her name and proven why everyone thinks she’s an idiot when she’s in love. Why do females do this? Some of you have had eight different last names. Do you even remember what your name is today? I sure as fuck don’t!

          What kind of shit do you see on social media that pisses you off or makes you laugh at, not with, a bitch?  

 

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    I am a thirty-something mother of two. I spend my days cooking, reading, stalking, bitching and now blogging!