You log onto Facebook and there it is, someone’s vagina is on your newsfeed. At first it’s just shocking. I don’t know about you but it’s not everyday I get an up-close and personal view of a friend’s shaven muff. Then you think, okay I know this chic is a little bit “popular” but since when has she decided to let all of us see all of her? After a few minutes the inevitable “OMG, I’m so sorry. I DID NOT post that. My ex did”. Of course he did, and next week you’ll be engaged, he’ll be your “one and only forever” and we’ll all sit back and wait for the next episode of your pathetic example of a love story. I for one am not interested. Scratch that-I’m all ears and eyes! I love this fucking train wreck! I’m not ashamed to admit that I love drama. YOUR drama, not mine. Fighting with a friend? Tell me! Your baby daddy cheated on you again? With who?!? Tell me! Your sister has vowed to never speak to you again? What did you do? Did you hit her? Who do your parents side with? TELL ME!!! I want to know every last sordid detail. What kind of shirt did that bitch have on? Did she cry? How big IS her nipple? Everything, leave nothing out. I’ll skip over what I don’t want to know. Let’s get this drama party started!
My favorite drama series has to be “We’re in Love, We’re Going to Kill Each Other”. The couples that are not quite sure if they really want to be a couple at all. Day to day it changes. Lovers for life, bitter enemies and back to eternal bliss. The best part is it all plays out online and I get to watch each and every glorious moment. For that, I sincerely thank you. Thank you, thank you, and thank you! I have spent literally all day watching two people make status after status divulging all the dirty details of one another. I can’t leave out of course, the nudes. I have seen it all. Shaven, bushy, toned and flappy, big and small, I’ve seen them all! Why is that something people do to the one they claimed just yesterday to love so much? Because it’s humiliating to the core. It’s something you shouldn’t be seeing. It’s such a big “fuck you”. Yes, yes. I love it.
So after all this information is out there on the internet, pictures and updates being saved and screenshot, why would these people even consider reconciliation? Surely there is someone out there who would never do this to you for the entire world to see. Maybe even someone without, yes they exist, internet access! Inevitably the next day they’ll post pictures of the happy couple together again, let the bluebirds sing! Rejoice America! Love is in the air once again! No one believes you. We know this will come crumbling down and we will all be counting the seconds until your dirty pictures are once again on our newsfeed. We all talk about it. Openly, in our inbox, it’s being gossiped about. You have no one but you to blame too. Once you hit “post” you made it our business. I for one enjoy it each time it happens. In fact, I encourage you to do so. It sure makes for some damn good reading.