2. Coconut. I hate the texture of it. The taste of it. A really great recipe can be completely ruined by the addition of coconut. However, I do love the smell of it. I adore the scent of suntan lotion even though I have never in my life used it and don’t really see the need ever arising. #PaleBitchProblems
3. The fucking interstate. Too many huge semi-truck and too many assholes thinking they’re Nascar drivers when really the fact that they have a license at all is a mystery to me. Everyone is always in a hurry to get to where they wanna be. It makes me nervous. I trust me as a driver but you, no fucking way, not even the tiniest bit. If I was a police officer working the interstate I’d taser every single one of you muthafuckers as soon as you got you window down far enough to allow me to.
4. Summer. My gawd, the heat and the humidity are out to kill all of us! I believe in global warming (even though if I’m being 100% honest, I really don’t know what it is lol but I’m sure it’s bad and I don’t want it) and the facts are just the facts: there’s only so many clothes you can take off but you can pile them up as long as you got them for pilin’ . Fuck you summer. I know how to drive in the snow and ice, bring it on as long as I keep power!
5. Hangovers. When I was younger (let’s not get in to the how young part of it) hangovers, if I got one, lasted a few hours tops. A good breakfast/lunch of fried eggs (always runny yolk), hashbrowns and biscuits was and still is the go-to, feel-good food for the mood. Now it takes that food combo plus Tylenol plus Pepto-Bismol plus tons of sleep and water plus just not fucking drinking in the first damn place in order for me to get over a hangover. The drinking Gods no longer are smiling down upon me, those bastards.
6. Folding laundry. It. takes. FOREVER! I hate it hate it hate it. I feel like I’m never caught up, like my dryer has a fungus growing inside of it and that fungus is in the shape of clean laundry and there’s no cure and I’ll never escape the curse that is folding clothes.
7. Twitter. It’s just not my thing at all. I cannot get a complete thought out in 120 characters or less. It’s frustrating as fuck to get a few words out and look up and see most of it highlighted in red, meaning it must be deleted. No thanks.
8. Vehicles. I use to have the best luck with cars. I could have one for years without any mechanical problems whatsoever but lately it seems every time I turn around something else on my car needs replaced. Sometimes I found out the first try what’s the problem and it will be fairly cheap but sometimes I’ll spend several hundred dollars trying to find out what the fuck I’ve messed up on this piece of shit vehicle. At the same time I sure as fuck don’t intend on walking anywhere so it’s definitely a love/hate relationship we have with each other.
9. Waiting on people. I’m the most impatient person alive I think. Waiting in line at the store (like for real, if you don’t know how to use self check-out, please just don’t! I know what the fuck I’m doing!), waiting for the hubby to get off work and get in the car, waiting for the kids to come out of the school, waiting for the doctor to get his never-present self in this tiny-ass room he me stuck me in for the last forty-five fucking minutes listening to that awful elevator music bullshit, waiting on the phone for someone who clearly cannot speak English even though I pressed “1” for English, always fucking waiting. Waiting and waiting and waiting.
10. I hate being interrupted. If people would just shut the fuck up for two seconds and let me finish a thought they might not jump to conclusions about what it is I’m trying to say. Just shhhhhhh. #ShutUpMeg
Not sure what I’m writing about tomorrow but it’ll be……..something. Thanks for reading!